Crank

Congratulations to co-directors and writers Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor for creating the first 1 skink movie in my blog. If I were 13, had ADD, and was a moron I might have liked the film, but alas, I am not.

Crank is by far the worst movie I have seen in a long time. The acting is bad, the script horrible, the editing annoying and frenetic, and the storyline practically non-existent. Mindless, sadistic violence round out this poor excuse for a film. I found it nearly unwatchable and had to turn it off after about an hour (I couldn't even make through its paltry 87-minute runtime).

As far as its "riveting action" and "adrenaline rush," I was so bored that I actually dozed off during the viewing--and I had the volume *cranked*! (no pun intended...) The music soundtrack is kinda fun: lots of loud, fast heavy metal, rock, and punk, but that was really the only redeeming quality I could find in this movie. I can't believe it received a 7.1 rating on IMDB and a 61% T-meter rating on Rotten Tomatoes--so much for the reliability public polling stats.

First-time writer/directors Neveldine and Taylor show little or no talent in their "crafts," and it is mind-boggling that they have other projects underway and even a sequel after this effort. I guess making $27M on a $12M movie gives you a greenlight in Hollywood to pump out more crap.

As for the "stylistic" and "innovative" camera work and editing I found it to be rather poor and extremely annoying. I like when directors try to push the envelop with the way the camera can be used for storytelling, but this was just bad film making as almost all the quick cuts, crazy angles, and camera tricks never really worked (except to make you nauseated and irritated). It reminded me of a bad, bad, really bad metal video from the 80's. If you really want to see how to effectively use new, innovative techniques to tell a story, watch Aronofsky's brilliant Pi or Requiem for a Dream.

Statham can be very dynamic and charismatic in his roles--I particularly enjoyed his performance in Snatch and Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels--but I'm really starting to get tired of his endless stream of movies with essentially the same character. I think he has good star potential, but he really needs to branch out if he wants to be taken seriously as an actor.


Crank (2006)
Starring: Jason Statham, Amy Smart
Directed by: Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor

(1 out of 7 skinks)

Kung Fu Panda

With a name like Kung Fu Panda, you really can't go wrong. I mean, it's got kung fu, and it's got pandas...what more do you really need? Well I guess it *could* have gone terribly wrong, like last year's Pilates Pete and Bowflex Billy, but thank god it didn't.

Dreamworks Animation finally nails one after a long string of near and far misses, as Kung Fu Panda rivals Shrek and Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit as their best output to date. Kung Fu Panda is hilarious, heart-warming, and a great action film to boot, with kung fu choreography rivaling that of the best of the Hong Kong martial arts films.

Jack Black steals the show as Po, the not-so-svelte-nor-skillfully-adept Dragon Master who's coming was foretold as the savior of the valley and the preserver of peace. He delivers his lines with both aplomb and humility (the latter which is lacking in some of his movies to their detriment), and the results are laugh-out-loud comedic genius. The character is so imbued with the spirit of Jack that the film would have suffered in anyone else's hands.

Dustin Hoffman also shines as Shifu, the annoyed yet ever-wise kung fu master. He brings an honesty and dead-pan humor to his role that is spot on in its tenor. Ian McShane, as the troubled and vengeful Tai Lung, adds both weight and substance to his animated character that fills the picture with its undeniable heart. In fact, all of the actors give outstanding performances, and there was not one time where I thought "Oh, that's xxx speaking now." The only exception (other than Jack Black) was the voice of James Hong, who was perfectly cast as Po's loving and overly-noodle-centric father--his voice is unmistakable, but the casting was perfect!

Co-directors Mark Osborne and John Stevenson's resumes are thin at best, but they adeptly mix the elements of humor, heart, and action. Co-writers Jonathan Aibel and Glenn Berger are equally new to the screenwriting scene, but they delivered a script that is definitely top-notch and key to the entire movie's success. Perhaps their long-standing collaboration on the likes of "King of the Hill," "Mad TV," and (may he RIP) "The George Carlin Show" aided them in producing the outstanding screenplay.

Kung Fu Panda is an outstanding film on all accounts. The animation is simply amazing, yet like all good special effects, never detracts from the film. The acting, screenplay, directing, and humor are some of the best I've seen to date. The only reason I'm not giving it 7 skinks is that the story is a little hackneyed and nothing new. Still, this is but a extremely minor complaint as Kung Fu Panda by far one of the best films of 2008.

I don't understand why so often it is the animated films that are the best comedies that are put out of Hollywood. Perhaps it is the fact that they rely upon the input and collaboration of so many people, instead of the charisma of a few recognizable stars, that they really shine in their quality, humor, and attention to detail that puts them far above most other offerings.


Kung Fu Panda (2008)
Starring: Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Ian McShane
Directed by: Mark Osborne, John Stevenson

(6 out of 7 skinks)